Good Morning! It's been a few days or about a week since I have had more than a few minutes to actually think! ha So much has happened over the past week. I traveled back to South Dakota for our family business's annual Healing the Sacred Child through the Spirit of the Horse Conference, the Black Hills Pow Wow and to just be close to family and those I care about. It was a very eventful, emotional and powerful time. And I am thankful for every moment I was blessed to experience.

I presented at the conference. I spoke about my experience working in the behavioral health field with youth who have severe emotional disturbances. It was emotional...to say the least. I actually didn't cry! lol You know, I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but I always end up crying when I share about things that are meaningful to me. Its sort of funny to think about now. But I actually work hard to not cry. My parents always taught me that crying is the highest form of prayer. I don't think I understood that until recently (as with most things in my life! lol). Anyone can get up and speak like a robot with a rehearsed speech (not that there is anything wrong with that...but wait I have a point!). But it really does take guts to get up and share personal stories, experiences and things that get to the very core of who you are as a person. That's tough to do...but well worth it. 

So, the main thing I have been excited to talk about and share since last week, is mentor-ship and motivation. I have been struggling to stay motivated at work. I love my job and am fortunate to work with some amazing people. That being said...I have been running into a lot of ignorance and cultural insensitivity at work. For as long as I can remember I have been one of the only, if not the only Native in any given situation. That is just part of living of the reservation. I dealt with this in elementary school and part of middle school, in college, in the army and now in my various employments. 

Im sure many of you have been in this same situation. Being the only Native, you inherently become the voice for all Natives. You are the one who has to stick up for those who have no voice and in my line of work, those are the children. You also have to deal with the random ignorance and naivety. I think a lot of people just don't know how to behave or act. They don't realize what they say is offensive and even racist!

One of my co-workers spent about a half hour trying to convince me that one of our Native kids in the program with a severe emotional disturbance were no different from any other kid that comes into the program. Then proceeded to share a tactic they were about the employ. They couldn't get out kiddo to build a relationship with one of the other workers, so they had the worker tell the kiddo that she was Native too. I think she is 1/8th Native, but this was the first time I had heard about it and was uncomfortable with it. I shared with them how it made me uncomfortable to use that as a tactic and how I don't agree about Native kids being just like every other kid. I recommended waiting on that tactic for a bit until we could think through it. They did it anyways without me knowing and it was only an accident that I found out. 

Then, we went to lunch as a whole the other day for a co-workers birthday. One of the other workers was trying to be friendly and visit with me about my trip home over the weekend. I shared with her the basics of what I did. Then she asked me if I went to the pow wow and did this, while she was banging on the table with her hands like a drum in a very animated way. Everyone at the table laughed at her and she said, "No its a traditional thing!" She then asked if it was a pow wow just for me or if it was a annual thing. I stated that pow wows are social, community gatherings. She then said she wishes she could go to one but look at her, she wouldn't be accepted in.   I couldn't believe that she was serious! And she was! haha Wow! I don't think she meant any harm by it and was probably genuinely curious, but it was offensive. I told her that she would be fine attending a pow wow as long as she doesn't go around asking crazy questions like that anymore! lol 

Prior to all of that, I was questioned by my supervisor because I had concerns about a Native child being placed in a non-Native home. I felt like I was wrong for having that concern and like I should be defending myself. So, all of this and more is going on at work. I know I am capable of handling it and bringing up solutions to how I feel. However, my biggest concerns are the Native children in our care. If they are capable of being totally insensitive towards me, what are they doing to these children? Children who barely have coping skills to deal with trauma they may have encountered, but are now having to deal with micro-aggression's in the very places they came to be safe. 

Long story short (kinda!), this is challenging my ability to stay motivated at work. So, what did I do (which leads to the real reason for today's blog)? I read my favorite book, DailyLove: Growing into Grace and listened to the weekly blog by my favorite self help mentor Mastin Kipp. The one thing said that stuck out to me, was that to gain motivation we need to surround ourselves with people that are farther along down the path than we are. So, I immediately called on professional Native women who have been in this field longer than I have! I usually try to take on battles by charging in head first with no back up! lol A one woman army! haha However, this time my instincts said that these women know more than I do and they have more experience than I do. So, I FB messaged them expressing my frustrations and asked if we could visit over the phone. What did they do? Called me within the hour and each talked me through their experiences, advice, recommendations and pointed me towards resources that will be useful.

It was so empowering to be reassured that my concerns were not a result of being over-sensitive or that I was going crazy! haha They reassured me and uplifted my spirit when I needed the most. These women gave without even second guessing themselves. The crazy thing is that they have been a  part of my life for years and this was the first time I had called on them. Then a realization slapped across the face! (which is also a very common thing for me! lol) I was letting my ego get in the way of really connecting to mentors that I already had in my life. I could have been open to what women like that had to share a long time ago. My ego told me I don't need anyone's advice, I can fix this on my own. Which is sometimes true, but more often, isn't. This is what Mastin Kipp was talking about. If I plan to continue moving forward on my spiritual path, I cant do it alone. I have to put my ego to the side and open myself up to what the Creator has in store for me. This time is was to allow mentors into my life; those who have already experienced what I am going through. I am so thankful for them and their guidance!!

I even dare to question whether or not the situations at work were put there to lead me to this realization. I do believe that the Creator has a plan for each of us. So, at the end of the day. I am going to push for some cultural sensitivity and humility training at work. I think everyone at work is well intentioned, but may need at little more understanding. So, there it is, my big realization of the week! lol I hope this is helpful. If you have had or are currently going through a similar situation, I welcome and would love a conversation in the comments :) 

Blessings,
Krystal Rain