Good morning everyone! I am a little slow in posting this week. Last weeks post really took a lot out of me. However, I must push forward! lol I woke up this morning not really knowing what I was going to write about. It's election day, so I could have done a whole schpeel on traditional versus contemporary forms of governing. ha But that's not really why I am doing this blog.
So, I just prayed and read my daily reading. Every morning (or well as many mornings as I can remember to! haha) I read this book called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. It has a reading/meditation for every day of the year. I love this book!! It always shares just what I need to hear when I am going through something. The above quote is from today's reading and it is totally about me! haha I am sure so many of us can relate.
Okay, let me tell you why this quote is totally about me and everyone else who gives too much of themselves. I am the type of person who, when asked will give everything. When I find something that I am passionate about or even just believe strongly in, I give every ounce of my being and energy to that cause. If a friend needs me, I am there no matter the time or resources it takes. "You need gas money. Okay. I do too, but here you go!" haha When I start a new job, I fully commit to that job; working overtime and going above and beyond. When I start a new relationship, I am all in, lets go! ha Enlist in the army; okay, I'll do 8 years of my life! haha
That is just the type of person I am. I give freely of myself and I feel what others go through. Not just sympathize or empathize, I actually feel what they are feeling. I don't know why, but I believe this to be a gift from Creator. I know so many other people who are also like this. They fully give of themselves to make the world a better place. But here is the problem with that. We give so much of ourselves -time, money, energy- that we forget to fill ourselves back up. Then we become burnt out, tired, overwhelmed and sometimes victims.
That is what Thomas Merton is saying in this quote. We become victims of our own 'violence.' It is not intentional and definitely not with ill intention, but we do it. I don't have a one stop solution for this, but I do have a few suggestions.
I was going through a rough patch not too long ago at work. (Still am...a little bit!) I am a Case Manager for youth with severe emotional disturbances. I work with kiddos ages 0-18 that have experienced trauma, pain, or who were just born into unhealthy circumstances. I have worked with numerous kiddos who have experienced sexual abuse, neglect, violence and have suicidal tendencies. I feel each one of my kiddos' pain and hurt. I take that on and make it my mission to make the world a better place for them. I take on the responsibility because I believe it is our fault...adults. Our children and youth only know what we as adults have shown them. I was taught that we are born sacred and holy. We come from Creator; we are Creator. So this tells me that these kiddos are being exposed to all of this pain and suffering that the human experience has to offer. Some more than others and those are the ones I work with. As I am sure you can imagine, this is really heavy, emotional work. I love every minute of it, but often give too much. Then, I forget to take care of myself and put stuff back in, so I actually have something to give! ha
So, I would call home and share with my parents. I would go home, sweat and just take in the good stuff that home often has to offer. Self care! So important. One of my ways of combating my intense, giving energy is to take care of myself. I do that by running, hiking, bihkram yoga and any type of physical activity. Also, by watching what I eat. Not because I am all worried about weight and appearance, but because I believe that we are what we eat. So, if I am not being physically active, am filling my body with GMO's, unhealthy crap (that's a convo for another day! lol) and then giving everything I have to someone or something...of course I am committing violence against myself! ha After I break it down like that, it seems like common sense! haha But while you're going through it, it is sometimes difficult to see it that way. I have done a lot of work to recognize when I am giving too much of myself and now know that is when I need to practice self care.
All of that is good. However, the number one thing I have learned that people with my intensity and energy need to do is...JUST SLOW DOWN! lol I call home all of the time to vent, get advice and just catch up with my parents. On one of these occasions, I was all excited about going back to school, maybe having to move, maybe looking for a new job..there were so many possibilities! lol And true to me, I was all in and excited for a new adventure! haha I was talking about all the things I was going to do and let me tell you, there were a lot of them! haha My Dad just said, "You need to slow down." haha Of course, I was like, well he just doesn't understand! lol
After a while, I thought about it. Which is how I process. I will hear advice, then process it and determine whether or not I should start practicing that. So, I processed this new information and realized that if I just learn to slow down when I get excited about different missions, causes, situations or relationships, I won't over give in the first place.
Patience was definitely not a gift I was given! haha However, the beautiful thing about being a human is that we have choice. We choose how we feel and how we behave. No one else can ever make us feel or behave any way without us first making that choice. Sure, we can get manipulated and pushed into corners, but there is always a choice or decision to be made. So, that means I have to make that decision to just slow down every time I become excited or passionate about something. By slowing down, self care becomes easier and I am then able to give more without depleting myself.
This blog post is dedicated to all those out there who give their everything to everything! haha I know so many of you who are full of passion and intensity for making this world a better place, whether it is for environmental justice, women's rights, for our children and youth or any other form of social justice. I love you for that and the world is a better place just for having you in it! I am proud to call you friends and family!
Don't forget to just slow down and take care of yourself, so you can continue to give in a world that is so desperately in need of that kind of love :)
Blessings,
Krystal Rain
